You Win Some, You Lose More
by thenewalchemist
Summary: After facing humiliation from the one person he trusted most, Lovino decides to find an...interesting method of coping. Who knew that sleeping around could improve the love lives of every other nation? RomanoxEveryone, but Spamano is the heart of it. Rated M mostly for language and sexual content, but things will most likely not get very explicit. Hetalia belongs to Hima-papa


**(So I haven't written in almost a year and I feel real bad because there are some other fics that I haven't touched in ages that I really want to finish…**

**And I Will! Eventually…**

**But to get back into the swing of things I decided to start something new. I've actually had this prompt/idea/whatever in my brain for a while, but haven't had the time. I think the succession of things that got in the way of writing are as follows…**

**AP testing, finals, replacing computer, new job, vacation, promotion, COLLEGE APPS MY FUCKING GOD, school, performances…laziness…**

**SO yeah. But I want to try and start writing regularly again…**

**So here goes!)**

I was less than fifteen minutes away.

Less than fifteen minutes from what was probably-no, definitely- the scariest moment in my life. I wasn't sure whether to slam on the brakes and turn around, or floor it and speed down this old, worn road that I had driven down at least a hundred times. Fuck, I should've called to tell him I was coming…no. I might've ended up just giving myself away. It wasn't unheard of for me to just show up at his house, even at ungodly hours in the morning. But his door was always open…

I cursed under my breath as the car swerved, gripping the wheel until my knuckles were white to regain control. Christ, I was such a fucking mess. Why did this to be so terrifying?! It was three words for god's sake!

My heartbeat quickened as I kept driving. I had to calm down…I mean, maybe I was just psyching myself out? I did have a chance, didn't I? We'd always been close, and looking at the last century, we've never been closer. He was my best friend…really my only friend. And yes everyone liked him, minus Turkey and England, and he did have Francis and Gilbert, but he really did spend the most time with me.

And all the hugging and kind words and attention that I'd never gotten from anyone, not even my brother…that had to mean something.

I took a minute to compose myself after pulling up to his home. I let myself smile a little despite my nervousness as I looked up at the sky. I'd never get over how beautiful the stars looked from his home. The view was nice at my place too, but not quite like this, and I never knew why. I could feel my heart skip a beat when a sappy thought crossed my mind. Maybe they were more beautiful when I was with him.

It took a while, but I finally managed to make my way up to the door. I tried to ignore the sweatiness of my palms as I curled my hand into a fist and knocked on the door. The sound echoed around me; the air was so still and quiet. But soon enough, the silence was broken by the creaking of the door and a light laugh.

"Lovi, I wasn't expecting you! It's been too long."

All I could manage was a grunt in reply before forcing myself too look up at him. How could anyone be this happy to see me? _Me. _The grumpy little shit that no one likes? I swallowed a lump in my throat as I was dragged inside. _Because he feels the same way?..._

My mind wandered, mostly unfocused as Antonio chatted away, always able to be welcoming and hospitable and just so damn nice. It was absolutely infuriating, mostly because I could never return the favor. I wanted, God I really, really wanted to…but I was always to nervous, or my throat would get dry and close up, and all I could do was tease and pester and curse.

But today was different.

"Antonio-"

The words died in my throat when I felt his hand press against my forehead.

"Are you alright? You look a little pale."

God damn it, how the fuck was I supposed to sweep that idiot off his feet when he was staring like that? The way he studied me with concern-it was like he was trying to make this harder.

"I'm fine, dipshit…" I mustered, managing a small smile. "C-Can we sit?...I wanted to talk…"

That made the bastard way too happy. He practically beamed as he pulled me over to the couch. I sat first, looking down and tensing when I felt the cushion shift under his weight and his warm presence.

He smelt like grass and soil…

"You were working in the garden…" I muttered, mostly to myself. To my embarrassment, Antonio heard.

"Sí, some of the plants were wilting a bit," he said, still smiling. I could feel my face heat up when his shoulder nudged against mine.

"I think they miss you. I know sometimes I do."

Sweet Jesus on high, if that wasn't some kind of signal, I didn't know what was.

"Plants don't feel, i-idiot!" I stammered, most likely bright red. He laughed, grinning from ear to ear.

"Of course they do! They're living things, just like us. So if I can be happier when you visit, they can too!"

Something about that statement made my head snap to face him. Antonio looked a bit startled when I looked him in the eye. "R-Really?..." I finally said, not sure if I was questioning the happiness of him or some fucking plants. But I swear his eyes widened ever so slightly.

"Sure," he replied, blinking. "Are you sure you're ok?...you said you wanted to talk."

Oh shit, I almost forgot.

"R-Right," I croaked, trying to gather my thoughts. I closed my eyes briefly, but froze when I opened them again to look at him.

Fuck. Fuckity fuck, fuck.

Three words. That's all I had to say. A fucking toddler could do it. But I didn't even have that big a brain capacity. Ok, Ok, I couldn't just back down. I was already in too deep.

Oh shit, I couldn't start tearing up, not now…

"Lovino, tell me what's going on right now," Antonio said, placing his hands on my shoulders. Judging by the sternness of his voice, I had to act now…

Act. I had to do something.

Before I could even stop myself, I leaned forward, grabbed him by the collar, and brought his face to mine. I had to squeeze my eyes shut, unable to bear the shock in Antonio's eyes while I awkwardly and clumsily kissed him.

Oddly enough, I felt more relaxed, my brain even started to work again. I didn't expect him to kiss back immediately, this was extremely out of the blue after all. So I waited…and stopped feeling relaxed when nothing started to happen. I didn't want to pull away…not because I 'didn't want this moment to end' or some bullshit like that, but because I was starting to think there was no moment. But I had to eventually.

He was silent.

He wouldn't look at me.

The first thing he did after I broke away was stare at the ground.

I felt numb. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Who the fuck just shuts down like this after a kiss?! The panic set in and a lump started to rise in my throat.

"Antonio?..."

He only shook his head slightly. Oh God. Oh God, no, this was not happening. This couldn't be happening. If only I could melt or disappear or combust or _something_.

"Romano…"

Not that name. Antonio hadn't called me by my official title since I was a kid. He visibly winced and chewed the inside of his cheek, clearly thinking, and I didn't want to know what about.

"I think you should leave…"

Rejection, I could handle. It would take a while, and it would hurt like hell, but I could deal with it.

Being kicked out by my only friend after doing something he damn well knew was hard for me, something I had struggled with all my life?

Unforgivable.

"Leave?" I growled, standing. "That's all you have to say to me? You can't even fucking look me in the eye while you're kicking me to the curb?!"

His shoulders hunched more and more as my voice rose.

"You can't even let me down easy?! You can't give me an explanation, you can't fucking talk to me?! I get it if you can't stoop low enough to return the feeling, but have the decency to fucking look at me when this is all your fault!"

That got his attention. I ran my hands through my hair, begging myself not to cry while he just sat and watched.

"This is all your fault! What the fuck did you expect?! How could you do this to me?! Do you have any idea how hard-"

I couldn't even choke the words out anymore. I covered my mouth with my hand, cursing the fat tears that started rolling down my face.

After a silent moment, pulled my hand away and clenched my fists.

"Don't ever talk to me again. Don't touch me, don't look at me…just don't."

I stormed out, not waiting for a response and ignoring the sound of a curse and a crash as I walked out the door.

I couldn't take this back.

-0—

I didn't leave my house for two weeks. Hell, I only left my room to shit, piss, and stuff my face. I felt like shit. I only felt worse when my brother saw me.

I felt kind of guilty. After that fiasco, I came home, drank until I puked, and passed out. All without any explanation. Feli had no clue as to why I was so upset, I didn't even tell him where I was going before I left. And he was oh so clearly worried. I knew he tried to talk to me, but I never gave him a chance.

All I wanted to do was sleep…

"Um…Lovi?"

I grunted in response, pulling my sheets up over my head. I heard Feliciano sigh and could tell he sat down next to me. It made me want to curl up into a ball.

"Lovino, I love you, but you smell really bad-actually, your whole room smells pretty bad, please tell you've actually gotten out of bed to use the bathroom-"

"What do you want, Feli?" I hissed, patience wearing thin. His second sigh didn't help.

"We have a meeting tomorrow…so you need to get up. I can help you pack if you want…"

I cringed when his voice got softer as he sniffled.

"I-I don't want to go without you…I-I know you're sad, a-and I'm sorry I haven't made you happy again yet…"

Shit. I really was a piece of shit if I let my brother be affected by this.

"Quit your blubbering," I muttered, sitting up. "I'll go, just stop-"

"Thank god!" He cried, launching himself at me and hugging my waist. "Oh, but you really do smell, please shower."

"I will!" I snapped, prying him off me and trying not to turn red. He smiled regardless and stood, holding my hand.

"Good. Our plane leaves tonight. I'll go ahead and pack for you."

I muttered a thanks as I trudged into the bathroom.

This was going to be the most excruciating meeting ever.

-0—

One four hour flight later and we were in Vienna. Of all the potato countries, I guess this one wasn't so bad. Feliciano sure as hell liked it.

Speaking of potatoes, we were greeted by the whole gang, surprisingly. I guess it was no shock to see Germany there for my brother. But for some reason, he brought Gilbert who wore his signature shit eating grin. And Austria was there too. I figured dumb and dumber just stayed with him when they were here, considering they were cousins or something.

To my dismay, Feliciano squealed and ran over to Germany the moment he saw him and jumped that motherfucker like he hadn't seen him in years. It took every ounce of self-control to not barf.

Nearly falling when I felt a hand clamp down on my shoulder, I looked up to see Mr. Shit Eater himself. "Roma, long time, no see," Gilbert cackled, leading me along to follow the others. My face went nearly as pale as his.

_Did he know? _


End file.
